Expressing some frustrations...
Oct. 5th, 2008 09:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
windhover...that I'm currently having with, to date, one of my oldest works. It holds a very special place in my heart, mostly due to the fun my partner in crime cohort best friend Ari and I had in creating and writing it, and I still use the world as canon for my RPs and other writing.
A little background (in case someone really is reading this): Somewhere around the summer of '03, Ari and I toyed with the idea of (super!hawt lol) space invaders coming to Earth in search of a bride for their king. The link above shows what came of that idea. What it does not show is the sprawling plot outlines, character profiles, and soap-opera convolutions that were constantly being added and expanded upon. Only three chapters were actually written, but I can safely assure you, o non-existent reader, there were plans for much, much more. At any rate, it was all good fun, and I still look back on those times with fondness in my heart.
However, looking back on the actual story (and its content), circa 2003, I sincerely can't help but flinch. Much of it has been updated/fixed for the purpose of RPing, but virtually everything else remains just as it was five years ago. To put it simply, it doesn't meet any of my current standards as a writer.
Of course, I realize that everyone has experiences like this; nobody likes to look at what their younger selves thought was 'good' or 'cool.' But, with my RPs, I feel that I've put myself into an odd situation by having this 'universe' disproportionately developed, with only the 'important bits' having been reworked and the rest left to stagnate. So, in the interest of salvaging/reworking the rest of this mess, I'm going to run down the biggest problems I have with this work, for which I really want to slap my 12~13 year-old self.
1) The title. I've never been good at titles, which probably shows best here. "ALIENS!" was simply the first thing to come to mind when FP.N pressed me for a title, and it sounded good at the time. I may have to alter it to something slightly less random.
2) The genre. At least, the genre listed on FictionPress. Manga? Seriously, come on.
3) The timeline. The story was intended to take place somewhere in the near future, and the year I arbitrarily decided on was 2008. Clearly, this won't exactly work anymore.
4) The characters. Here's the biggie. I'm fairly sure I had grown out of self-inserts by this point in time, but was apparently still not familiar with the concept of a "Mary Sue." Let's hit this up one by one, in order of appearance/creation:
a) Ariana Chancé-Reiker. Okay, I lied -- this one is essentially a self-insert (though of Ari, and not myself). In our defense, we were aware of the silliness of self-inserts, and had named this one after her because our first, oldest draft was essentially in a second-person POV. (Liberties were definitely taken with this, though; IIRC, the first version of the second chapter included a lengthy phone call between her and "myself" that was supposed to be humorous but came off as silly and inane.)
Anyway. Reading through the written chapters, I get a definite "Mary Sue" vibe: Jareth falls in luv! with her at first sight, and is wowed by her beauty; she's a self-described "not-quite-average DDR-obsessed otaku who reads entirely too much"; and she conveniently has a pesky ex-boyfriend for her alien prince to whisk her away from. (Whee!) The vibe grows even stronger when one looks at the first plot outlines for further chapters, which is basically "Ariana meets/befriends new alien-nation leader, proceeds to melt his wangsty heart with her Earthling charm" rehashed over and over again. Like I said earlier, this was all great fun five years ago, when wish-fulfillment fantasy (and, if the outlines are any indication, never-ending manga plotlines a la Ranma 1/2) was the order of the day for any average preteen. Now, not so much.
I think that a lot of her Sueish-ness stems from two major factors: 1) her interaction with Jareth, and 2) her ability to befriend/turn to good any major character/diplomat she encounters. Number 2 shouldn't be such a big deal anymore; around 75% of these characters are completely unnecessary, or could easily fulfill their purposes as mere background characters, and thus excising/reworking them will eliminate/reduce their WAAAHngst, as well as her dealings with it. Number 1, on the other hand, is a little more tricky -- I mean, the plot practically calls for her to be specially selected out of literally millions of other eligible "bachelorettes," and doing so in a way that doesn't make her seem like a super-speshul snowflake is ... well, it's tough. I've been wracking my brain over it and have yet to come up with a decent solution. Maybe she ought to be chosen on some other criteria than tru!luv? Hmm.
b) Jareth Reiker. The other main (problematic) character, although maybe I wouldn't keep beating myself up over it if I didn't keep mentally drawing parallels with these two to Bella and Edward. Argh. But I can't help it -- he seems too perfect. The only personality flaw that I can find is that he isn't exactly forthcoming with information at critical times (though, I suppose anybody would be initially scared off by "oh and by the way I'm actually an alien prince, wanna come on my spaceship to a planet you've never even heard of and get married?"). Also, his past is pretty wangsty. Baaww.
Anyway, he falls head-over-heels for Ariana at first sight, judges her to be a truly good-hearted person after (literally) stalking her for a couple of hours, and only actually talks to her for a few minutes before deciding "Welp looks like she's the one, fire up the spaceship!". Also, he defends her from some mean tabloid reporters. What a great guy. Too great, IMO. And as far as I recall, his personality didn't change much as the plot progressed; the only differences I do remember was that he tended to wangst about his tragic past (and the fact that he occasionally transformed into a terrifying, bloodthirsty monster -- werewolf syndrome, perhaps?), but, hey, his waifu would always be there to cheer him up again!
Thinking about it now, I suppose I could keep this progression of events; the one thing, I think, that made him truly the object of perfection was that the story was partially in his POV, which not only ruined certain plot twists but also laid his personality bare for all to see. However, if I were to rework this by making only his external actions -- and none of his motives -- easily discernable, I could still have him act the same way.
So, instead of having him be a white knight through and through, I could turn him into a white knight who's secretly an asshole.
That's a fun thought to pursue. Actually, I really like it; perhaps he initially pursues Ariana for her physical attractiveness, and, whether due to impatience or impulsiveness, decides she's "good enough" to take back to Windaffia and produce heirs? Or maybe he chooses her on the basis that she truly is an "average" Earthling, and therefore more strategically beneficial for boosting relations between Windaffia and Earth? Given that the main angle of the story (aside from sci-fi, of course) is "romance," I think a plot wherein both parties grow to love each other over the course of the plot is better than having it be entirely one-sided. It'll take more work, but I think it'll be worth it in the end.
(I think it could also add to the "humor" aspect of it; imagine, finally on their way back to Windaffia, and he instantly drops the "charming gentleman" facade, much to Ariana's surprise/disappointment/rage. This is a fun thought to pursue.)
c) Ianus Reiker. Actually... Screw it. I like Ianus just the way he is, and I don't think he needs to be changed at all. That's all I have to say about him.
... Okay, so that was another lie. I think he plays too much a "straight man" foil to Ariana and Jareth, and he could also be improved by reducing his "nanny" role. I intended for him to be much more significant, but he really doesn't seem to accomplish much of significance. (Not only that, but in the original drafts/outlines, he was the only character not paired off by the end of the story. Poor Ianus, he can't even get laid :( ) This will have to be remedied.
d) About umpteen other characters. Getting this out of the way as early as I can. The original outlines called for an outlandish number of characters to contribute to the main "plot" and have a major impact on Ariana's adventures. I think even back then I must've realized it was getting pretty ridiculous. So, as mentioned before, these characters are to either be excised completely or simply put into more a background role.
e) Zero. Funny thing: Zero (and the other characters that follow) was actually created after the original drafts, when I decided that the story should probably have an actual plot instead of merely detailing Ariana and Jareth's various diplomatic adventures. Even so, there are still some problems, and the biggest one of them all is that Zero is an absolutely stereotypical "uke" in every sense of the word. He is meek, submissive, and, despite being an important instrument of destruction, oftentimes a "damsel in distress" to be rescued by his own white knight (first Lucius, then Ares). Also, his backstory could not possibly contain any more tragedy or wangst if I tried (it might explode). There were also some issues with the subject of his birth/creation, IIRC.
Sadly, his character really doesn't call for him to be much other than a pawn -- a living, breathing MacGuffin, in a way. I don't know what to do with him; I hate the way he's turned out, but I can't get rid of him without compromising a major, integral part of the plot. The bits with his multiple personalities were fun, but even that was quickly remedied. Maybe if the remedy wasn't so quick, or maybe if he fought back more once in a while, he would be a more interesting character to read (and write).
f) Lucius Niziér. Here, I won't lie: Lucius is easily one of my favorites among all the characters I've created, and I think he was one of the most well-developed and well-rounded (by comparison) at that time. I like him just the way he is, too. Well, except for the part where he literally turns into a giant dragon to save the day. A fucking dragon. I'm sure I thought that was cool five years ago, but I'm going to have to fix it now. Sigh.
g) Artemis Derrick Ellison. Angst. Aaaangst. AAAAAAAAANGST. Did I mention the angst?
I think I passed off his terminal wangst as the product of teenage hormones, though I don't think that excuse would currently hold much water. Or it could be that, in the original drafts, he was essentially a vampire (because vampires are always cool, amirite), and I guess it just comes with the condition. (Or it could also be that he believes himself responsible for the untimely death of his tru!luv, which, though it sounds cheesy, is probably much more acceptable than the prior two.)
In fact, this character is so wangsty I've actually considered giving him clinical depression (dysthymia, at the very least). It would certainly make his eventual suicide more reasonable.
h) Ares. Oh, boy, the other "white knight." Funny how I had originally planned on him being a villain. Tru!luv can do funny things to a character, let me tell ya.
Anyway, the main gripe I have with him now is basically the same as I had with Jareth -- he's too perfect. Granted, I don't think this comes off quite as strongly as it does with "white knight" Jareth, but it comes off nonetheless, in more of a "angsty tragic hero" vein. He angsts over the lover he failed to save in the past. He angsts over the fact that his people are continually being oppressed. He angsts after failing to protect Zero from being hurt/used (over and over and over again), even though he refuses to admit his luv for him.
And he keeps on truckin'. Good for you, Ares.
Actually, I realy have no idea what to do with him. As stereotypical as he is, I don't know how to properly rework him. Leaving him as he is now would really have no impact on the plot, so I'm tempted to do just that. w/e, idk.
I think that's all of them. I thought there'd be more. Oh well.
5) The plot(s). Even though I hadn't actually written them up yet, I liked to write summaries/blurbs for the "arcs" so I could keep myself on track. Clearly, as I never truly passed the first few chapters, these were entirely unnecessary, although they now serve well to remind me just how badly I need to rework this series. Let's have a look (with commentary in bold):
As mentioned previously, there are certain areas of this universe I believe I've developed pretty well in more recent years (mostly concerning the deities that work it, and the Order of Horus). But I'm still frustrated with myself for letting the rest of it sit around for so long without doing something decent about it.
I'll have to keep working on it. I'm not sure when I'll find the time, but I'm definitely adding it to my to-do list.
Good lord, it took me a good two hours to write up this post.
I need a life.
A little background (in case someone really is reading this): Somewhere around the summer of '03, Ari and I toyed with the idea of (super!hawt lol) space invaders coming to Earth in search of a bride for their king. The link above shows what came of that idea. What it does not show is the sprawling plot outlines, character profiles, and soap-opera convolutions that were constantly being added and expanded upon. Only three chapters were actually written, but I can safely assure you, o non-existent reader, there were plans for much, much more. At any rate, it was all good fun, and I still look back on those times with fondness in my heart.
However, looking back on the actual story (and its content), circa 2003, I sincerely can't help but flinch. Much of it has been updated/fixed for the purpose of RPing, but virtually everything else remains just as it was five years ago. To put it simply, it doesn't meet any of my current standards as a writer.
Of course, I realize that everyone has experiences like this; nobody likes to look at what their younger selves thought was 'good' or 'cool.' But, with my RPs, I feel that I've put myself into an odd situation by having this 'universe' disproportionately developed, with only the 'important bits' having been reworked and the rest left to stagnate. So, in the interest of salvaging/reworking the rest of this mess, I'm going to run down the biggest problems I have with this work, for which I really want to slap my 12~13 year-old self.
1) The title. I've never been good at titles, which probably shows best here. "ALIENS!" was simply the first thing to come to mind when FP.N pressed me for a title, and it sounded good at the time. I may have to alter it to something slightly less random.
2) The genre. At least, the genre listed on FictionPress. Manga? Seriously, come on.
3) The timeline. The story was intended to take place somewhere in the near future, and the year I arbitrarily decided on was 2008. Clearly, this won't exactly work anymore.
4) The characters. Here's the biggie. I'm fairly sure I had grown out of self-inserts by this point in time, but was apparently still not familiar with the concept of a "Mary Sue." Let's hit this up one by one, in order of appearance/creation:
a) Ariana Chancé-Reiker. Okay, I lied -- this one is essentially a self-insert (though of Ari, and not myself). In our defense, we were aware of the silliness of self-inserts, and had named this one after her because our first, oldest draft was essentially in a second-person POV. (Liberties were definitely taken with this, though; IIRC, the first version of the second chapter included a lengthy phone call between her and "myself" that was supposed to be humorous but came off as silly and inane.)
Anyway. Reading through the written chapters, I get a definite "Mary Sue" vibe: Jareth falls in luv! with her at first sight, and is wowed by her beauty; she's a self-described "not-quite-average DDR-obsessed otaku who reads entirely too much"; and she conveniently has a pesky ex-boyfriend for her alien prince to whisk her away from. (Whee!) The vibe grows even stronger when one looks at the first plot outlines for further chapters, which is basically "Ariana meets/befriends new alien-nation leader, proceeds to melt his wangsty heart with her Earthling charm" rehashed over and over again. Like I said earlier, this was all great fun five years ago, when wish-fulfillment fantasy (and, if the outlines are any indication, never-ending manga plotlines a la Ranma 1/2) was the order of the day for any average preteen. Now, not so much.
I think that a lot of her Sueish-ness stems from two major factors: 1) her interaction with Jareth, and 2) her ability to befriend/turn to good any major character/diplomat she encounters. Number 2 shouldn't be such a big deal anymore; around 75% of these characters are completely unnecessary, or could easily fulfill their purposes as mere background characters, and thus excising/reworking them will eliminate/reduce their WAAAHngst, as well as her dealings with it. Number 1, on the other hand, is a little more tricky -- I mean, the plot practically calls for her to be specially selected out of literally millions of other eligible "bachelorettes," and doing so in a way that doesn't make her seem like a super-speshul snowflake is ... well, it's tough. I've been wracking my brain over it and have yet to come up with a decent solution. Maybe she ought to be chosen on some other criteria than tru!luv? Hmm.
b) Jareth Reiker. The other main (problematic) character, although maybe I wouldn't keep beating myself up over it if I didn't keep mentally drawing parallels with these two to Bella and Edward. Argh. But I can't help it -- he seems too perfect. The only personality flaw that I can find is that he isn't exactly forthcoming with information at critical times (though, I suppose anybody would be initially scared off by "oh and by the way I'm actually an alien prince, wanna come on my spaceship to a planet you've never even heard of and get married?"). Also, his past is pretty wangsty. Baaww.
Anyway, he falls head-over-heels for Ariana at first sight, judges her to be a truly good-hearted person after (literally) stalking her for a couple of hours, and only actually talks to her for a few minutes before deciding "Welp looks like she's the one, fire up the spaceship!". Also, he defends her from some mean tabloid reporters. What a great guy. Too great, IMO. And as far as I recall, his personality didn't change much as the plot progressed; the only differences I do remember was that he tended to wangst about his tragic past (and the fact that he occasionally transformed into a terrifying, bloodthirsty monster -- werewolf syndrome, perhaps?), but, hey, his waifu would always be there to cheer him up again!
Thinking about it now, I suppose I could keep this progression of events; the one thing, I think, that made him truly the object of perfection was that the story was partially in his POV, which not only ruined certain plot twists but also laid his personality bare for all to see. However, if I were to rework this by making only his external actions -- and none of his motives -- easily discernable, I could still have him act the same way.
So, instead of having him be a white knight through and through, I could turn him into a white knight who's secretly an asshole.
That's a fun thought to pursue. Actually, I really like it; perhaps he initially pursues Ariana for her physical attractiveness, and, whether due to impatience or impulsiveness, decides she's "good enough" to take back to Windaffia and produce heirs? Or maybe he chooses her on the basis that she truly is an "average" Earthling, and therefore more strategically beneficial for boosting relations between Windaffia and Earth? Given that the main angle of the story (aside from sci-fi, of course) is "romance," I think a plot wherein both parties grow to love each other over the course of the plot is better than having it be entirely one-sided. It'll take more work, but I think it'll be worth it in the end.
(I think it could also add to the "humor" aspect of it; imagine, finally on their way back to Windaffia, and he instantly drops the "charming gentleman" facade, much to Ariana's surprise/disappointment/rage. This is a fun thought to pursue.)
c) Ianus Reiker. Actually... Screw it. I like Ianus just the way he is, and I don't think he needs to be changed at all. That's all I have to say about him.
... Okay, so that was another lie. I think he plays too much a "straight man" foil to Ariana and Jareth, and he could also be improved by reducing his "nanny" role. I intended for him to be much more significant, but he really doesn't seem to accomplish much of significance. (Not only that, but in the original drafts/outlines, he was the only character not paired off by the end of the story. Poor Ianus, he can't even get laid :( ) This will have to be remedied.
d) About umpteen other characters. Getting this out of the way as early as I can. The original outlines called for an outlandish number of characters to contribute to the main "plot" and have a major impact on Ariana's adventures. I think even back then I must've realized it was getting pretty ridiculous. So, as mentioned before, these characters are to either be excised completely or simply put into more a background role.
e) Zero. Funny thing: Zero (and the other characters that follow) was actually created after the original drafts, when I decided that the story should probably have an actual plot instead of merely detailing Ariana and Jareth's various diplomatic adventures. Even so, there are still some problems, and the biggest one of them all is that Zero is an absolutely stereotypical "uke" in every sense of the word. He is meek, submissive, and, despite being an important instrument of destruction, oftentimes a "damsel in distress" to be rescued by his own white knight (first Lucius, then Ares). Also, his backstory could not possibly contain any more tragedy or wangst if I tried (it might explode). There were also some issues with the subject of his birth/creation, IIRC.
Sadly, his character really doesn't call for him to be much other than a pawn -- a living, breathing MacGuffin, in a way. I don't know what to do with him; I hate the way he's turned out, but I can't get rid of him without compromising a major, integral part of the plot. The bits with his multiple personalities were fun, but even that was quickly remedied. Maybe if the remedy wasn't so quick, or maybe if he fought back more once in a while, he would be a more interesting character to read (and write).
f) Lucius Niziér. Here, I won't lie: Lucius is easily one of my favorites among all the characters I've created, and I think he was one of the most well-developed and well-rounded (by comparison) at that time. I like him just the way he is, too. Well, except for the part where he literally turns into a giant dragon to save the day. A fucking dragon. I'm sure I thought that was cool five years ago, but I'm going to have to fix it now. Sigh.
g) Artemis Derrick Ellison. Angst. Aaaangst. AAAAAAAAANGST. Did I mention the angst?
I think I passed off his terminal wangst as the product of teenage hormones, though I don't think that excuse would currently hold much water. Or it could be that, in the original drafts, he was essentially a vampire (because vampires are always cool, amirite), and I guess it just comes with the condition. (Or it could also be that he believes himself responsible for the untimely death of his tru!luv, which, though it sounds cheesy, is probably much more acceptable than the prior two.)
In fact, this character is so wangsty I've actually considered giving him clinical depression (dysthymia, at the very least). It would certainly make his eventual suicide more reasonable.
h) Ares. Oh, boy, the other "white knight." Funny how I had originally planned on him being a villain. Tru!luv can do funny things to a character, let me tell ya.
Anyway, the main gripe I have with him now is basically the same as I had with Jareth -- he's too perfect. Granted, I don't think this comes off quite as strongly as it does with "white knight" Jareth, but it comes off nonetheless, in more of a "
And he keeps on truckin'. Good for you, Ares.
Actually, I realy have no idea what to do with him. As stereotypical as he is, I don't know how to properly rework him. Leaving him as he is now would really have no impact on the plot, so I'm tempted to do just that. w/e, idk.
I think that's all of them. I thought there'd be more. Oh well.
5) The plot(s). Even though I hadn't actually written them up yet, I liked to write summaries/blurbs for the "arcs" so I could keep myself on track. Clearly, as I never truly passed the first few chapters, these were entirely unnecessary, although they now serve well to remind me just how badly I need to rework this series. Let's have a look (with commentary in bold):
- Arc 1 – Ariana Mia Chancé is just your average teenage girl. Well…average except for the fact she’s obsessed with Dance Dance Revolution, anime, and just about anything cute and fuzzy. (I think we've covered this.) Oh, and she’s recently been married to the king of an entire planet and the ‘Windaffian’ race. Forced to leave Earth and having to adjust to a new life as the queen of Windaffia, as well as being married to an total hottie (no, really?), she quickly finds out that, even with the strange, new surroundings, life can be just as insane and dysfunctional as it ever was on Earth… (I'm pretty sure it was in this arc that Ariana and Jareth's many "adventures" were supposed to take place, but I think these were scrapped even in the early drafts. Otherwise, it would have been too massive and too disorganized.)
- Arc 2 – (This ought to be where the "plot" picks up, right?) Things have just been starting to settle down a bit in Windaffia…or have they? After centuries of oppression and cruelty, the Nasveyr have finally had enough, declaring open war on the rest of the major races unless changes guaranteeing their freedom start to be made. What’s more, they’re being led by the mysterious Ares, the same bloodthirsty commander who would’ve led the Nasveyr to victory in the Devereaux War had it not been for a stray spear lodged in his heart. But a couple of things don’t quite make sense: first, the Devereaux War ended over two hundred years ago, and Ares was dead for all that time, to boot! Unfortunately, there’s little time to investigate just what’s really going on, since Lykaar has just lost an arm (excised), Ketsaru is facing the prospect of becoming a father (also excised), and both Vanterra and Qidanta have joined forces with the Nasveyr (twist!) ! With all this, can the remaining races even hope to stand a chance against them?!
- Arc 3 – At long last, the Nasveyr have gained their independence, forming the Vanterra-Nasveyr Union, and all is well in the universe… Well, that’s a bit of a lie. The late Sir Niziér’s ward, known only as Zero, who was responsible for Ares’s resurrection by way of Project sYn (still not sure how this works), may have a lot more to him than what meets eye (no, really?). After being kidnapped and sent on a bloody rampage, it appears that Lucius’s theories were correct—Zero is both the scientific and spiritual reincarnation of Horus, an ancient, legendary Nasveyran prince, supposed god, and founder of the largest religion in the universe.
But not much time is left to investigate that, since a strange new race of intruders have kidnapped Ares and are trying to control the entire universe!!(Truth is, I have no clue what this "strange new race" was supposed to be. Clearly it was of little significance, so I'm not sure why I even included it. Also, after re-reading the "blurb" for "Arc 4," I think this is where I need to end it.)
- Arc 4 – It’s been a while, but, finally, the focus has centered on Ariana and Jareth once again, in the final arc of “ALIENS!!”—but not quite in a good way. The identity of Jareth’s mysterious father, Solomon Crowley (lol whut), is finally revealed in a less-than-tearful reunion, as well as the fact that he has a half-brother (no, seriously, what) (?!) (and the unnecessary punctuation speaks for itself). But that’s not all, as shortly afterward he’s framed for murder (the plot twists, they're too much!) ! With her ‘husband’ in danger of losing reign over Windaffia, and possibly his very life, is there anything that Ariana can do to help him?! (As above, I really, really don't remember much about this at all, especially not this "long lost half-brother" business. I think the only point of this arc was to tie up the loose ends with all the other characters, including Ariana and Jareth, but now I'm confident I can accomplish that in the last "arc.")
As mentioned previously, there are certain areas of this universe I believe I've developed pretty well in more recent years (mostly concerning the deities that work it, and the Order of Horus). But I'm still frustrated with myself for letting the rest of it sit around for so long without doing something decent about it.
I'll have to keep working on it. I'm not sure when I'll find the time, but I'm definitely adding it to my to-do list.
Good lord, it took me a good two hours to write up this post.
I need a life.
